A Bonus Dad With Skin In The Game

J.D. Vance is weird and says awful things. More often than not, I tune him out. But his attack on "childless cat ladies" hit me ... personally. Lemme explain...

Taken the first night I met The Diva. Our nephew Simon is next to her with the two-finger bunny ears… these kids!

The Big Orange Brat Baby (BOBB, aka Trump) named JD Vance as his VP pick. JD is weird and just as hateful as BOBB. The other day JD said (links to USA Today):

“We are effectively run in this country … by a bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they’ve made, and so they wanna make the rest of the country miserable, too,” Vance said. "It's just a basic fact. You look at Kamala Harris, Pete Buttigieg, AOC (Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez), the entire future of the Democrats is controlled by people without children."

As everyone knows by now, Harris is a Bonus Mom to two grown step-children, Mayor Pete and his husband adopted two beautiful children (twins), and while AOC may not have children now (or ever, her choice) she is a better leader than JD will ever dream of being.

Plus, I know at least two straight Christian Republican couples who I was very close to at one time who couldn’t have their own biological children, even through IVF. Both couples adopted two children and those four babies grew up in safe, wonderful homes. And then there is moi, a Bonus Dad to The Diva.

But, according to JD’s worldview, none of these people (Kamala, Mayor Pete, my Republican friends) or I have children because they aren’t biological.

At first, I didn’t pay attention to all of this because I think JD is an ass; and not the kind of ass I would spend any time thinking about. But his quote kept brewing in my mind and … well… this post happened. It’s personal.

First of all, I am not a lady. I took etiquette class and grew up in the South, but I don’t have time to use the right fork for salad as I eat something I just microwaved.

Secondly, I don’t own a cat. I believe that my Eli the Dramahuahua is a reincarnated cat, but I don’t think he counts as one in this life. My theory is that when mean cats go through their nine lives, they return as Chihuahuas. I love my Eli but he is a loveable asshole. Right now he is curled up next to me because it is thundering outside… so kewt!

But you know what I am? I am a Bonus Dad to The Diva. She came into my life when I started dating Dan. She was only 9 years old at the time. I have been an authority figure in her life for most of 8 years now. Yes, she is a magical 17-year-old today. When I married her father, it was a part of our wedding that I would love and take care of her like my own daughter. This Bonus Dad/daughter dynamic wasn’t new but it was an important Bonus Dad, Dad, Diva moment.

Sidenote: I graduated from being her Fairy Godmother to Bonus Dad when I married Dan :).

Other Christians have said my marriage isn’t real, that I am not a real parent. I just briefly say what I need to say and leave those folks alone. Futile arguments are not my scene (anymore).

No matter what others may think, you can’t tell me she is not my daughter now. I love helping to provide for her, guiding her, rolling my eyes at her, she rolling her eyes at me, comparing our Eli the Dramahuahua bite marks, watching RuPaul together while Dan snores on the couch, and answering life questions when I am honored to be asked one… or at least try to.

And when my heart tore out while hearing her pain over the phone when she called us after being drug out of a car that hydroplaned into a tree a few weeks ago… I think that’s a level of pain only a parent can feel.

And I felt it. I cry every single time I remember that phone call and seeing her in the ambulance before it took off (we got to the scene right before it left). Of course, anyone would be upset hearing a call like that, but this was primal, instinctual, and I can only figure it is parental. It wasn’t like a friend’s child in a horrible accident, this was my child in a horrible accident. A friend’s would of course would be absolutely heart-wrenching horrible, but this went well beyond that into the realm of no words, just pain and fear.

She is doing much better and healing nicely.

I have seen The Diva make horrible decisions. I have seen her learn from those horrible decisions. I have seen her beautiful gifts of singing like an angel mature and grow. I am starting to see her level of critical thinking grow exponentially. I believe she could be the first Grammy-winning Supreme Court judge.

I worry for her, pray for her, celebrate her, and will always be here for her.

So, JD Vance and BOBB can go pick out couches together or something. Leave Bonus/Adoptive Parents and single people without children alone.

JD doesn’t care what I think. He won’t ever know I wrote this, but I felt compelled to. I love my daughter and want the best for her future in a democracy, not in some fascist version of a Handmaid’s Tale.

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