A Simple Exercise Representing Ongoing & Intentional Growth
The reason behind some content being removed from the Thrive archives...
So some terrific friends encouraged me in various ways to consider making online posts focusing on healing and the way out of the ex-gay world alongside my usual everyday stuff. They encouraged me not to go so much after people or organizations by name who continue to spread toxic theology and ex-gay ideology.
Well, I just didn’t like that at all … at first.
I like calling out those lying (because I know they know better), manipulating, causing harm, reinforcing stigma, lying, bearing false witness against LGBTQ+ people… and on and on. But I recognized the core motivation for those posts was coming from wounds that haven’t fully healed, not just experiential expertise.
Those older posts did not fit in with my natural temperament in the day-to-day, and they didn’t fit in with my goal to focus on healing and escape, not the trap.
What they did do was allow me to get the poison out of the wound(s). I am an outward processor, so coping with this stuff publicly really should be done with someone offline. Those posts were full of good information and correct observations (If I do say so m’self :)), but after reviewing them, I saw a lot of my hurt that still exists all these years later.
My hurt is genuine. My knowledge and insights on the subjects covered are valid. But those posts, while they got a lot of traffic, weren’t helpful. Informative? Sure. Helpful, only to me in my attempts to vent the pain.
So I took them down.
I can already hear a few voices (especially other writers) saying, “You didn’t delete them forever, did you?” No, I didn’t. If they can be reworked to serve my goal to be kinder AND help others not fall prey to ex-gay groups (or find their way out of ex-gay groups), I will rework those posts. But if they don’t, I won’t. They will be relegated to the personal journal file for the rest of their existence.
I see this as another step forward with my healing journey. It’s not an earth-shattering personal epiphany by any means. However, I’ve learned that some of life's most significant moments don’t require the heavens to open up and Divine whispers from angels.
Sometimes the next right thing to do is take down an unhelpful post and let the hurt heal instead of complaining about it repeatedly.
Let me know if you have any thoughts: love, y’all.
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I think that is some good self-awareness. Always here for that! So glad you are doing this important work, friend. So so proud to call you friend after all these years.