About Former Ex-Gay Leaders & Our Expectations

When entering a world we used to condemn, we should expect struggles, not trust.

Well, Jeffrey McCall has come back out as Scarlett McCall chest first. She has had breast implants that are glorious and on full display in all of her photos since coming out. After a couple of rants (that I have seen) about nobody giving her money to eat or help with bills, she is now starting an Only Fans account.

I am not subscribing, but I don’t discourage others if that is your thing. You do you big buxom beautiful boo.

My opinion about Scarlett’s past, present, or future is of literally no consequence. While I worry for her in several ways, I am not in any kind of relationship with her except we both appeared in the film, Pray Away.

But watching her come out and remembering my and many other former ex-gay leaders embracing our true gay/queer/trans selves reminds me of the deep chasm of what we were familiar with in the ex-gay world instead of reality. It reminds me how many former ex-gay leaders’ expectations exist in a completely different realm than what is actually possible.

For example, I don’t know why Scarlett gets mad at the people who used to support her in her former ministry as Jeffrey, for not supporting her now. Sure, I think it’s completely ok to be upset with how hypocritical her former supporters are about being mean as snakes in the name of love, but to get mad that they no longer support her financially is, in my humble unasked-for opinion, a disconnect from the reality of the situation.

Another example would be another former leader (whom I dearly love) who thought they could joke around at a policy event with a pro-gay crowd like they used to do at ex-gay conferences… it fell flat, and they got booed. Nobody listened to their truly informed insights after that. Plus, they gave me side-eye for inviting them.

I’ve seen many other situations where former ex-gay leaders expect the same “clout” they had in the ex-gay world would simply transfer to the pro-gay world. It simply does not and really should not.

I am not sure why, but while there have been many surprises (good and bad) I never had those false expectations. I know I am a leader and have known that for a long time. But I guess since I was out in the ‘80s, I knew that some in the LGBTQ+ community might have difficulty accepting or trusting my change of heart and motivations. I knew it would be difficult and take time to gain their trust, and, with some people, it would be impossible.

Not only that, but this dynamic was something the self-loathing version of me created. It’s not on the crowd I left behind or the crowd I am walking into to extend a hand of mercy and understanding. It’s on me to put my change of heart into action because it is the right thing to do.

As former ex-gay leaders, we owe a big debt to the LGBTQ+ community and cannot undo or erase our past. We have to move forward doing the next right thing, and if trust is given, we can treasure the gift; not expect it.

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