Another Dandy Ranch Christmas Season, And The Battle Of The Zombie Weed Bush

If it weren't for Pam, pretty sure I wouldn't have survived...

Isn’t The Dandy Ranch cute? I finished putting up our porch Christmas ornaments after a battle with a gigantic menacing weed bush. Our porch has great sparkly Christmas ornaments now. When I took this photo, I got choked up thinking that we, the Scobey family, have holiday traditions, and this is *our* house, our family home.

I love it. A sense of safety, belonging, memory making, family … all the things I never thought I would or deserved to have. Love lives here.

Plus, I was just happy to be alive. So now, let’s change the tone a bit…

About that ugly, menacing monster weed bush. I have had an unrelenting seething anger toward it throughout 2022. Especially in the summer when it would reach beyond my neighbor’s property and attack (scratch) my arms while I was trying to cut MY grass. Yes, I am that old man now. Even to plants, “GET OFF, my LAWN!”

I was a gross sweaty mosquito magnet mess after battling the evil, menacing weed bush our neighbors killed (on their property) and decided not to finish the job. I mean, they killed it. It was gigantically dead with its bony weed fingers marring the sky. I was tired of looking at this manifestation of anti-cute and thought, “I very much doubt they will ever cut this crap out, and it is starting to grow back. So, I am going to do it.”

It was turning into an evil, menacing weed ZOMBIE bush. We do not do zombie anything at The Dandy Ranch.

I like our neighbors; they are fun. But ignoring the evil, menacing living dead weed bush and their fence killed by Hurricane Ian being held up by a rope kind of sucks.

These neighbors even watched me through the holes in the fence Hurricane Ian killed. They drank beers as I battled for my life and legacy. I don’t blame them. I am sure it was quite a spectacle watching me using that trimmer/cutter/clipper thing for the first time in my life.

Lots of very colorful commentary rang throughout the neighborhood a few times. I wonder if they were texting all our neighbors to create a betting pool on how long it would take me to pass out. Not going to say it almost happened, but it almost happened. #stayhydrated

No, I don’t know what the scissor/clipper thing is called, and yes, it was the first time I had ever used one. I am allergic to manual labor. It makes water come out of my skin and stuff. Blech. However, this big clippy/scissor thing did the job, and I was pleased with it.

I will name it Pam. Pam helped me defeat the menacing zombie weed bush. Thank you, Pam.

These neighbors were drinking beer as I put my life on the line fighting THEIR menacing zombie weed bush. However, do not think unkindly of them. They were very helpful to Dan and me a few months ago. We were carrying heavy equipment across our yard, and they came to help. I will always like them to some degree for that. We will write this off as a lesson from the Universe: evil, menacing zombie weed bushes suck and must be removed before they attack you while mowing.

And for this incredibly long and exaggerated tale of removing unwanted plants from my property line, you are welcome.