Clout? I Am The Clout

I don't need to chase clout, I am already phenomenal. Lol. Here's why I think chasing clout isn't necessary.

A couple of years ago I had a critic say to me (paraphrased),

You are only a clout chaser trying to make yourself relevant again.

I’ve heard similar sentiments a few times since helping to shut down Exodus, especially when I came out in 2015. While I’ve had some amazing, weird, scary, and even dangerous encounters with people who have “clout,” I don’t think I’ve ever chased it down or ever really worried about it.

You see, I used to be addicted to people-pleasing and seeking validation from leaders or influential people; but I never thought of using them to be like them. But that self-loathing version of myself (and its sidekick internalized homophobia) is long gone.

My friend Martina once said something that really stuck with me. I’m paraphrasing a whole conversation and incorporating the lessons I learned from it. “Remember, you’re worth being approached with offers (speaking and other things). You’re of high value, and you have to believe it so others will see your worth. You’re the commodity, the treasure, you’re everything you need to be. Be wise, but don’t settle for devaluing anything about yourself.”

I don’t. I don’t need clout because I have my own sense of self-worth and don’t need it. If I can influence people for good, I don’t care if it’s a million people or just one person. That’s all that matters.

And honestly, the idea that I would have to make myself relevant makes me laugh. It’s not a goal I ever think about.

My Mom says surprising things from time to time in the off-the-wall, “ it-is-what-it-is” southern gossip kind of way. For example, she said during his first term, “I’ve always hated Trump since the time he tried to hit on me when Randall (my bio dad) and I lived in California. It was at some real estate dinner thing.” Or, “Did I ever tell you the story of when Johnny Cash carried you off of a burning plane when you were two years old?” or “You know Oprah, when she was a new local reporter in Nashville, she saved the Townhome we lived in by confronting the bank on why it wouldn’t put my name on the paperwork because I hadn’t finalized the divorce from Randall yet.” Or “I almost forgot :::digging in her purse and pulling out a piece of paper::: I got Cyndi Lauper’s signature for you and your brother.”

Her famous people encounters and the stories they produced were always told as just matter of fact; nonchalant, and I got to the point where her wild stories didn’t surprise me anymore. We lived in Brentwood just south of Nashville and up the street from some of Dolly Parton’s family, and just a few miles from a ton of other country music celebrities. So seeing Loretta Lynn on her porch in her housecoat waving goodbye to her husband as he drove off wasn’t surprising. One of her houses was next door to a restaurant I worked at for a while.

And whatever magic my Mom has in just running into famous folks, I have that same whatever it is. I have met everyone from Karl Rove to Anne Heche to a legit male model in Beverly Hills who I have been friends with for many years (you would know him if you saw him). I have met Emmy-winning celebrity make-up artists, stylists, Real Housewives, and even most of the major leaders who are now known as Christian Nationalists who helped write the infamous Project 2025 tearing up our country (glad I got out of that world a long time ago).

Once I asked her (as a kid), “Mom, are you ever freaked out (in a good way) when you meet famous people?” Again, in her direct, nonchalant Southern way, she replied, “Well, they take a daily shit like the rest of us. They're just people who have the exact same basic, heart-wrenching struggles as we do, except theirs is just more expensive.”

And it’s true. While I could care less about whether I have clout (which I don’t need or pursue), I have met wonderful people who do have that level of clout, and they are just as weird and wonderful as I am. We are. I don’t see or treat them any differently than anyone else, and I am not lying; you can ask Jesus.

People with clout are basic humans who yearn for love, struggle with life and take a daily shit like the rest of us.

Now, my critic (and others) may not believe what I am writing about in this article,, and that’s okay. I know who I am, and my worth is not based on anyone else’s opinion, even if they have “clout.” Some may open doors for me because of who they are and we are of like mind. That said, I seek Wisdom and always choose the doors I walk through.

And it’s never with the idea of chasing clout or relevance. It’s with the idea of enjoying life and engaging in what I am passionate about.

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More about Randy…