Feeling vs. Seeing: Two Kinds of Empathy We All Need

Especially in today's political and cultural climate.

“Both (types of empathy) matter. One keeps our hearts soft; the other keeps our minds open.”

Most of the time when we hear the word empathy, most of us think about feeling what someone else feels. That’s true—but it’s only half the picture. There are actually two types of empathy, and knowing the difference can make us better friends, coworkers, and humans.

The first is emotional empathy. This is when your heart plugs directly into someone else’s. Your friend is crying after they lose a loved one, and you cry right along with them. Your coworker shares a big win, and you feel their joy buzzing through your own body. Emotional empathy is connection at the gut level—it’s raw and beautiful.

Then there’s situational empathy. This one’s less about feelings and more about perspective. You might not feel the stress of the large crack in your neighbor’s windshield, but you get why they are upset with the dump truck that caused it. You may not be as riled up about a particular public policy issue, but you see why your loved one that is directly impacted by it would be, and you show up with encouragement and support. Situational empathy is like widening the lens to understand the context around someone’s emotions.

Also, both types of empathy often overlap but you may experience/engage them on their own.

Here’s what this looks like in everyday life:

• Friendship: Emotional empathy means crying with your heartbroken friend. Situational empathy means recognizing the depth of their loss, even if you don’t share the heartbreak yourself.

• Workplace: Emotional empathy is picking up on a teammate’s stress and feeling it in your bones. Situational empathy is knowing they’ve got too much on their plate—and stepping in to help.

• Family: Emotional empathy is sharing your kid’s nerves on the first day of school. Situational empathy is understanding why they are overwhelmed and reassuring them they’ll be okay.

👉 Emotional empathy says, “I feel what you’re feeling.”
👉 Situational empathy says, “I see why you’re feeling this way.”

Both matter. One keeps our hearts soft; the other keeps our minds open. Together, they make us the kind of people who don’t just care about others, but also show up in ways that actually help.

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Yeah, I wrote a book. It’s pretty awesome. You should read it.