I "Feel Seen"
This statement, to me, was like any other self-empowerment bumper sticker until I started getting feedback about WHY: A Memoir
The definition of “feeling seen” by Humontold.com:
Feeling seen is a state in which a part (or parts) of our identity, emotions, needs, and/or physical presence get fully recognized through various means—such as representation, validation, support, and/or inclusion. The opposite of feeling seen often leaves us feeling invisible, unheard, and neglected.
When I hear “I feel seen,” I want to hit my cynically shaded red GenX button with “BAH! Need details!” stamped on top. Usually, when someone says they feel seen, it's a good thing, but many more times (at least in my world), it is overused or a mooshy, gooshy way to say, “Thanks for picking up my favorite mac and cheese, hon.”
Until last week. I felt seen in a whole new way on a whole new level.
Last week, after reading some advanced reviews of my book, I told Dan that I genuinely “felt seen” by the feedback I have gotten so far. My words struck my ears deeply personally for the first time; I do feel seen. I do feel validated. And I don’t want to hit my cynically shaded red “BAH!…” button.
On the flip side of that same coin, I also felt seen for the now long-dead monster that had grown inside me: a monster named self-loathing. They see the monster and how it was born from and fed on a deep foundation of a variety of severe abuse. People who were sent advanced reader copies were also seeing how that monster held me, prisoner, became my entire world, manipulated/hurt others, and that I had become that monster by spreading its destruction to others.
These readers also have heard stories of abuse, severe abuse, that no one else has ever known about except Dan. This brings a level of vulnerability that puts me butt-ass naked and mourning under a harshly revealing spotlight where self-loathing tries to resurrect itself. But I won’t let it, and even butt-ass naked on a stage, I kick that bastard back to hell where it was born.
But they also get to read about how I dug deep down after a lifetime of tragedy and fought the monster with bare fists, landing truth with each blow. They’ve read it’s not enough to fly, but a soul needs to soar and be celebrated; how I am now helping others dismantle the shackles I once helped craft.
Plus, I cuss and tell a lot of funny stories, too.
I am thriving now, and it is time to continue to reach more and more people with the truth that they can be free of self-loathing and religious stigma. They can and will find their path and journey down it with love and contentment as traveling companions.
We can and will survive abuse. We can and will end conversion therapy. We can and will stop the cult of ex-gay ministry. Know how? With genuine love to change hearts and minds.
So, yeah. It’s been an interesting couple of weeks :)
🤩🫣