Let's Change "It" Gets Better to "You" Get Better
After coming out "it" got a lot better but I've found the best part of that is "I" got better at living.
I strongly believe that when you are honest with yourself, “you” get better. Not because the world suddenly becomes easy, but because you grow stronger, wiser, and more at peace with who you are. Every time you (we) choose honesty over hiding, or love instead of fear, you reclaim a piece of yourself that was always meant to shine.
It does get better…
Back in September 2010, a campaign called “It Gets Better” was created to encourage young LGBTQ+ people that it is okay to be honest with and embrace yourself. Many in our community recorded their stories about their struggles and how they persevered to survive and thrive in life. The It Gets Better origin story:
In September 2010, in response to a rash of suicides that claimed the lives of several LGBTQ+ youth, Dan Savage and his partner Terry Miller posted the first It Gets Better video on YouTube, urging young LGBTQ+ people to stay true to themselves despite bullying and other challenges of adolescence.
The message was simple – no matter how difficult things may be, it can get better. Those words, and the sentiment behind them, went viral, inspiring more than 70,000 people to share their personal stories of resilience and triumph — everyday folks, but also celebrities like Kelly Clarkson, Adam Lambert, Ellen DeGeneres, Laverne Cox, Gabrielle Union, Gigi Gorgeous, Zachary Qunto, Neil Patrick Harris… even presidents Barack Obama and Joe Biden. The result propelled It Gets Better to become the world’s largest storytelling effort to uplift and empower LGBTQ+ youth.
At the time this campaign started, I was on the other side of the issues and living in the church closet. However when I finally allowed myself to watch some of the many videos, I found them to be very powerful and moving.
I have a complicated relationship with the word “it”…
I am sure everyone knows this, but I will say it anyway. “It” is a gender-neutral pronoun many times used to refer to something that has already been, or is easily, identified. “It” is a wonderful utilitarian word that gets the job done, and I love it for that.
See what I did there? :)
At the same time, in my opinion, it can rob a sentence of some depth and … I don’t know, somehow feels lazy to me. AND I am the worst at using it instead of naming whatever it is. IYKYK. lol.
In this campaign, it is the perfect open-ended word to use because each person’s “it” is different. The campaign is including everyone by not excluding some stories by limiting the scope. For example, if they had used, “Being Gay Gets Better,” it would have been accurate, but the many people who are in the LBT+s and non-binary might not feel automatically included. So “It Gets Better” is perfect for what they were trying to accomplish. I am not disagreeing with their use of the word it.
But what about “you” get better?
For me, when I came out, my it didn’t get better. It, my life and circumstances, got exponentially worse. That said “I” got stronger, better, more healthy to deal with these situations as an adult gay male; I survived because I read in the “you” get better alongside of the it gets better. Maybe because I was in my late 40s at the time, but I knew that I had to get better in order for all the other parts of life to make sense and facilitate growth beyond the limits imposed by external and internal homophobia.
So all along the way I focussed on maintaining my sanity, questioning my motives, is the next right step forward working toward being happy, healthy, and whole as a gay man or numbing the pain and counterproductive. The rest of life was falling apart and there wasn’t anything I could do to stop it; disruptive change was inevitable. That said, I could be reactionary and make things even more difficult. Or, I could slow my roll, think and pray things through, and at least attempt to walk it out with maturity and not anger or vengeance.
To Conclude…
I strongly believe that when you are honest with yourself, “you” get better. Not because the world suddenly becomes easy, but because you grow stronger, wiser, and more at peace with who you are. Every time you (we) choose honesty over hiding, or love instead of fear, you reclaim a piece of yourself that was always meant to shine. Life won’t always understand you—but it doesn’t have to, because you’ll learn to stand confidently in your truth. There’s beauty ahead, connection ahead, joy ahead. You deserve to experience all of it, exactly as you are.
More about Randy…
