My Journey Into and Thankfully Out Of Christian Nationalism
From Ann Richards to being invited to the Bush White House and holding hands with Dr. Dobson, I’ve had quite the activist journey. I’m glad I don’t have that in the center of my life any more.
“I think the Divine can be found in people who have open eyes to see clearly (objectively), ears that hear (with intent to understand and or learn), and honest hearts that do not live inauthentically and know their own character strengths and struggles.”
My first foray into being a political loudmouth…
It’s been a while since I last wrote about politics on this Substack. It was on July 14th last year. In that post, I mentioned how I used to be a big fan of politics, but things changed when I started to see the truth. I realized that the religious right was using people like me, who were trapped in the ex-gay ideology, as pawns in their game, not as equals.
Well, my journey in politics has been a strange one. When Ann Richards ran and was elected as Governor of Texas (from 1991 to 1995). She was the second woman governor of Texas and a staunch very clever Democrat. I thought she was amazing and this was a time where I was still saying that if reincarnation were real, I used to be a hippie like the ones in the musical Hair. And what would seem natural for a reincarnated hairy hippie, is to support Ann! I did and there is video footage of me somewhere showing me hollerin’ support at one of her rallies.
Hollerin’? Yes, Hollerin’. I am a native Texan living in Texas at that time and that’s what we do when we are excited, we holler. :)
I was so liberal that even after becoming an evangelical Christian in 1992, I was against Christians being involved in politics aside from voting. I felt that type of work undermined the message of the gospel.
That belief would change as I got caught up in the cult of ex-gay ideology at an Exodus International affiliated conversion therapy group in Arlington Texas and started moving up the ranks in its national leadership.
Well, they aren’t THAT bad…
At Exodus, we always had a leadership conference at least a day or two before the annual summer conference started. During one of these leadership meetings, a few other suspiciously liberal members and I were very upset. I was the director of the ex-gay group I had joined at the time, and we were letting Exodus leadership know we didn’t want to be involved in politics. Not only did it undermine the gospel, it offended and alienated the LGBTQ+ community; the very people we were trying to convert to our way of “ex-gay” thinking, believing, and acting.
I know, weird.
I hated the far-right religious leaders I had seen calling me a pedophile in the making (Jerry Falwell) and headed to hell (all of them). I couldn’t fathom why Exodus wanted to be involved in anything they were doing.
The most popular Exodus spokesperson at the time, and I had a conversation after the tense meeting with all the other leaders talking about being involved politically. We weren’t arguing, but I really wanted to know how he justified being in the room with all the far-right religious and conservative leaders. He had a longer, more eloquent answer, but I remember what made me reconsider my position on the matter. He looked me in the eyes and said (paraphrasing),
Randy you don’t know about all the hateful actions and projects we were able to stop because of being willing to sit at the table with these leaders. Could you imagine what would happen if we weren’t in the room? We are salt and light to them as much as gay people. Politics isn’t off limits when we know we are doing the right thing for the right reasons.
BTW, this spokesperson is also out and living as a gay man now.
When he said that, I was shook. I hadn’t thought of it that way. Soon after that another friend recommended I read A Christian Manifesto by Francis Schaeffer.
I read it three times and became an advocate for Christian engagement in the political world. Then when I started at Exodus, we were getting involved in regular secret meetings in DC with two different groups (DC Group and Arlington Group).
Jerry Falwell, Ted Haggard, Tony Perkins (Family Research Council), Mike Johnson (yes, the current Speaker of the House was a part of Alliance Defending Freedom at the time), Dr. Dobson, leaders from The Heritage Foundation, Tucker Carlson a couple of times, and a bunch of other vain egoists were all in the room, and they weren’t scary at all. They all smiled, nodded when we (the ex-gays) shared something good, invited us to the side meetings, invited to the White House to watch President Bush make his Declaration of Marriage thing (anti-gay), lobbied Capitol Hill, gave speaking engagements, attended the 2025 Inauguration, traveled all around the country to lobby and speak against gay marriage, you know… all the right-wing activist things.
I mean, Dr. Dobson said I was eloquent and held my hand during prayer once!
And I met all of them, paid homage to their leadership I didn’t always appreciate. One time, in all my self-loathing glory, I told Falwell, ‘I used to hate you and now I am like, he isn’t that bad after all.” He chuckled.
Then Barack Obama ascended and revealed the truth: they all really are that bad, and today, I believe these leaders were the founding fathers of Christian Nationalism and not just “that bad”; they were/are engaged in malevolent energy thinking they are doing the right thing.
Oh no, they really ARE that bad...
One time I said to this group when the 2008 election cycle started and there were a bajillion candidates from both parties running for President, "I think maybe we should be more concerned about Obama.” They scoffed and said, “He’ll never get elected. America won’t tolerate that.”
I was taken aback by what appeared to be a racist dismissal.
And during that cycle this austere group broke down into factions saying things like:
We can’t vote for a Mormon. We don’t need our President to be a member of a cult!
If you don’t vote for Huckabee, are you even really a Christian?
McCain is a hero but far too liberal.
and… and … and
Sometimes the infighting got really bad. The last CPAC conference I went to the secret group had a secret meeting at a secret location in the same hotel. The intent was to get everyone on the same page in who to support and vote for.
The meeting went very badly (in my opinion) and two things dawned on me
I was right the first time, they really are that bad and what they are doing is not christ-like at all.
They really did only see us as pawns, not peers.
They don’t respect each other and put their agendas first no matter what.
That one is a bonus insight :)
We stopped going to the Arlington Group after that. We quit the DC Group right around the same time because they literally made “re-stigmatizing male homosexuality” an agenda item for “serious” discussion. I got in a shouting match with the person who wanted to talk about that, and we (Exodus Reps) never went back. My boss had already come to that conclusion as well, so our departure was quick.
The Christian Nationalist dystopia made manifest…
I left that world around 2008, and all 18 years later, we see that same group supporting and helping install a fascist I know they hate. I came to my senses about them long before I would come out of the church closet in 2015.
And as a part of being true to myself, I am back to hollerin’ for female candidates (still love you, Kamala).
I don’t know, know, but I KNOW their (the far-right Christian Nationalists) support for him is NOT matched with respect for him. The money grifters and attention whores will do everything to be on camera with The Great Orange One, but the ones who already have money and power will work with him, holding their nose. I even think some of them are working against him in the background while smiling to his face. Project 2025 is their new Bible built for the worship of power and money but they won’t see either of those for long.
They would/will dissolve my marriage, remove women’s rights and equality, go back to segregationist America, all of it. But one day, very soon, they will see that The Great Orange One was never theirs to steward as he takes everything he can away from them too.
Where’s Jesus in all of this?
In my crazy life, I haven’t given up on Jesus. I’m a Christian Universalist, and I don’t try to force people to believe like me or even believe in the Divine.
Jesus, for me, is like a personification of the Divine in this world. He’s been my guiding light through all the ups and downs of life. I can’t ignore or deny that he’s been there for me, guiding me through the tough times. So, I can write posts like this, share my experiences, and be a bonus dad and husband. There’s so much joy and gratitude in my life, even in these dark times. He is a Good Shepherd.
I believe that the Divine’s Holy Spirit (I think it’s feminine energy) has led me to look for the fruits of the Spirit and the Beatitudes everywhere (for more thoughts along those lines hit the link after this paragraph). I think the Divine can be found in people who have open eyes to see clearly (objectively), ears that hear (with intent to understand and or learn), and honest hearts that do not live inauthentically and know their own character strengths and struggles.
I see so many people who have these amazing qualities and they’re defending the immigrant, helping the poor, and mourning with those who mourn. They treat others the way they want to be treated and truly love one another by standing up for each other.
Christian nationalists are trying to push their own beliefs on others (for over sixty years know), and they’re not doing it in a good way (to say the least). They’re trying to make America a version of “christian” that in my opinion does not fit within Jesus’ teachings in almost every way. Therefore, their version of the greater good is not going to work and be easily manipulated for other’s goals.
We need to stand up for what’s right and fight for the greater good. We need to speak up and make sure that everyone is treated fairly and with respect. We need to practice what we preach and show the world that we truly care about others.
I think that’s what Jesus would want us to do regardless of the darkness circling.
More about Randy…
WHY: A Memoir
Helpful resources…
