My Ninth Anniversary of Coming Out Will Be Spent In Front Of A Camera
Yesterday, I had a migraine, had to drive to the Orlando airport near the end of rush hour, and fought 10 million (felt like) people at TSA security. I spent an hour and 15 minutes in line. I got through and had to run to my plane, so no time to get something to get rid of the hammer hitting my temples. Then I got on the plane; it was bumpy going over the Gulf of Mexico, but when we tried to land, it was like a roller coaster for a little bit.
I hate turbulence.
Then, I had to run through 2 Billion people (felt like) at the Houston airport from my gate to the connecting gate to get on the pencil-sized plane to Little Rock. My migraine finally started easing off when that pencil-sized plane leveled out. That flight was surprisingly smooth.
Then we landed on time in Little Rock, and their airport is TINY. I loved not having to run or go far for anything. I went outside and waited on my Lyft driver and nearly lost some fingers to frostbite (felt like).
While I was standing there, I thought, "Why did I just do all that? What a terrible day. I should have just stayed home." That negative ninny thought came after a week of not wanting to make this trip. Still, I came anyway to honor a long-time friend's (another former ex-gay leader) request to be interviewed for another documentary. Plus, I last saw this friend 15 years ago. It will be good to see him again and meet his husband.
The Lyft pulled up, and the driver was gorgeous! And fun to talk to. We had plenty of time to speak since he took me an hour outside Little Rock. We talked the whole way there. I said his name and asked if I was pronouncing it right, and he smiled and
said, "Yes, and no one around here ever pronounces it right!"
He is a fitness buff and does handyman work like my husband. I mentioned that to him, and he visibly relaxed even more. He asked what Dan does specifically, and I shared his current remodeling project. Then we talked about music, painting, Orlando, how boring Arkansas seems to be, how we both think Little Donnie Chump is awful and all kinds of other things.
And for those that might be wondering, no, my Lyft driver isn't gay.
Of course, the topic turned to why I was there, and I was honest and told him. He was kind and supportive, saying, "You have had a long journey, but I am glad you came. Your being a part of that documentary is important for those who'll watch it."
And that just struck the right note at the right time. Lately, I have been wanting to not talk about the issues from my past at all, but I knew I had to. It had started to feel like an obligation, not the passion I have felt ever since I came out. His simple observation reminded me of my passion for helping end ex-gay conversion ministry and therapy.
So, it only fits that on my 9th anniversary of coming out of the closet, I will be sitting in front of the camera, brutally honest in trying to help others not go down the same paths I did and expose the toxicity of ex-gay ideology and how it manifests. Not only that but celebrate the many good things in life outside of that destructive worldview.
I smiled all night, thinking that, once again, the Universe is a faithful shepherd, and I can trust God to put me where I need to be.