National Coming Out Day Is Today
While the intent of the day is clear, depending on an individual's journey this means different things to different people.
It would appear as time goes by that National Coming Out Day has become a day of encouragement and celebration. Where Gay Pride parades and festivals are more defiant and a message outward from the LGBTQ+ community saying, “We’re here, we’re queer, get used to it!” Coming Out Day in my opinion is more of a love letter inward toward our own community. Let me explain…
I believe Coming Out Day started as a community cohesion type of support for individuals to assert and reveal themselves as being LGBTQ+ to those they love and care for in unity on a specific day. It is still that for sure. However, in the beginning it seemed that the LGBTQ+ people put a lot of pressure on those still in the closet to come out; to join us in a moment of solidarity choosing to not “live a lie and lie to others by not being our authentic self.”
I have never, and still do not agree with that at all. I will say the following with love and very carefully: I believe it is self-serving to pressure people into what we think they should do (and when to do it) to come out of the closet. Pressuring others to come out is more about what we want and might not be what is best for them.
On January 12th, 2025, I will have been out of the closet for 10 years. CRAZY to think about but it’s true. The October 11th before, in 2014, I was self-accepting of who I truly am as a gay man (finally after 47 years) but I was nowhere near ready to come out. It would take three more months to pick myself up and walk out the closet door.
I believe every LGBTQ+ person knows what the next step in their personal journey of self-acceptance is. They don’t need me or anyone telling them that their next step should be to cross over the threshold of their closet door.
People who haven’t come out have so many things to consider the ramifications of their decision. Some may (in no particular order) …
Need to evaluate their safety in doing so at work and at home.
Need to deal with personal fears and/or self-loathing first.
Decide they should test the waters by confiding in a trusted friend or loved one.
Get professional counseling on what their next step could (not should) be.
Self-reflect and pray or journal out their feelings.
Need to love themselves into self-actualization/acceptance, before making a clear separation from other’s expectations of who they should be.
All I want to do is let those who are still in the closet know that while today is a cool day to “come out.” There are 364 other days that are also cool to come out on. Mine is January 12th.
If you are reading this and haven’t come out yet, this journey of coming out can be a real roller-coaster, but love will displace fear. There is a vibrant LGBTQ+ community with many resources here to help when you are ready.
Also, every person in our community has had a helluva journey too. My experience has been that the level of direct emotional empathy within the LGBTQ+ community concerning “coming out” is extremely high and available to you as a support if you so choose.
You know you best and are able to make your own decisions on what the next step is for you. Trust your heart and mind, not one or the other, they will both work together to keep you informed and motivated to do what is in your best interest.
Be at peace you beautiful treasure you!
More about Randy…
WHY: A Memoir
Helpful resources…
