The Ties That Bind...

Some need to be cut while others, forged in love, will never go away

Some of the ties I am getting rid of are in this pile. They brought unexpected heartache while cleaning out my closet.

The WonderDan remodeled my closet this past weekend which provided an opportunity to haul all the crap in it, out of it.

Pretty cool, huh?

So, part of the process was going through a bajillion trillion ties that I no longer wear unless forced to and decide which ones I wanted to keep and which ones to get rid of.

The ties in the photo at the beginning of the post are ones that didn’t make the cut. And interestingly, when I saw a few of them, I got a pit in my stomach.

That feeling was out of the blue; completely unexpected. Here are some of my thoughts as I sifted…

• “I wore this at The Heritage Foundation media training event…”

• “Wore this one when I spoke at a Family Research Council press club event…”

• “I wore that one at the Inauguration parade for President George Bush’s second term.”

• “Wore this one when I went with a FOX news talking head to see Dick Cheney speak…

And so on. Also, the FOX News talking head wasn’t a big-time pundit, but she did our media training and had Laura Ingraham on speed dial.

Normally when I think of “ties that bind” it is about love and friendship. But these symbolized (to me) being tied to the past. How the hell else does the sight of a piece of cloth bring instant regret and sadness? Then I found this quote (emphasis mine).

“We have a choice. We can live in the past and be miserable and unhappy, or we can pick ourselves up and move ahead in life. When we choose to focus forward, we can find the energy and ability to remove any obstacles that may appear to be hindering our smooth progression. If you take stock of yourself and find you may be spending time frequently reliving unhappy experiences of the past, make the decision to rid yourself of the ties that bind you to a former way of life.” – John Templeton

So, as I rid myself of those ties, I saw it as a symbolic renunciation of the lies and poison I believed in and helped to spread.

That exercise was over the weekend. Then last night I had a chance to have dinner with a friend of almost thirty years, another friend from Australia, and my husband.

L-R: Anthony Venn-Brown, Alan Chambers, me, and The WonderDan

Anthony is a beacon of light to people around the world. He has helped so many people out of the closet and educate the church and the public on LGBTQ+ equality and liberation from religious stigma.

And of course, you know The WonderDan is the one I love with my life, my husband, and that when I look in his eyes, I know I am home.

Now, about that Alan…

Alan is my former boss at Exodus International and we have known each other for almost thirty years. He is chosen family now. He will always be like a brother to me. Yeah, he gets on my nerves with some of his opinions (lol) but I am sure I get on his nerves from time to time.

What brothers don’t have those seasons in their relationship?

Alan and I haven’t seen each other face to face in three years (since my wedding). But last night, you would have never known. Everything all fell into place. We were able to read each other’s thoughts back in the day and it was all back in an instant. I can tell exactly what the man is feeling and thinking in most circumstances and vice versa. That hasn’t changed. Throughout the night I would look at him and it was right there, a connection of knowing and understanding each other in a way very few friends achieve.

I have a “tie that binds” me to him with unconditional brotherly love. It’s pretty cool. Even when I get on his, or he gets on my, nerves. :)

So when sorting through the ties that bind, the ones that are no longer life-giving and affirming, I say bye-bye bad tie! And even though the past was bad, really bad, the Divine saw fit to help me find a brother I needed and walks with me.

While it is important to cut the ties that bind us to a false version of reality or a false version of ourselves, it’s more important to cherish the ties that bring life and not let them slip away.

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