Thrive Newsletter - Issue #33 - My Editor Is In Cahoots With The Universe Edition
The catharsis continues...
Suddenly, my life just got very personal.
I just realized that is a weird sentence. It’s my life soooooo, isn’t it always very personal?
I had a deep catharsis when I wrote the first manuscript for my memoir in 2017 (due to be published this fall).
I had an inkling of an idea to get it published back then but didn’t dwell on that part long. I didn’t prioritize that because I quickly learned the main goal was to discover myself to heal deeper and learn who I truly am and why that made me susceptible to hating myself and hurting others.
In 2017, two years out of the closet, forty-nine years old at the time. I still didn’t know who I was and how I made such drastic changes in beliefs throughout my life. I realized I had acknowledged my self-loathing life but didn’t understand how deep the well of self-hatred went. During that writing period, I said multiple times daily, “How the hell was I ever that person?”
I honestly didn’t know, and also, honestly, that scared the sh*t out of me. But somehow, I knew I had to write my story to understand my story. The process was incredibly cathartic. Now I understand who I am and why I had such a slingshot from one place to another kind of life. I understood how my strengths were turned against me, combined with my weaknesses, that groomed and kept me as a leader in what I now consider a cult.
Eventually, the award-winning film and Emmy-Nominated film Pray Away was released on Netflix in August of 2021 for worldwide streaming. I saw so many people revising and redefining Exodus history and their importance to the shutdown of Exodus. Some even tried to rewrite my story, lol. That was annoying and funny at the same time. I was upset, but I knew I did not have the bandwidth to chase them down to correct them (as if that would work).
I dusted off the first draft of my manuscript, and my motive changed from trying to discover myself to helping others feel safe, seen, and hopefully empowered to embrace themselves even when others won’t; to come to terms with facing deep-seated self-hatred head-on to see the path past indoctrination by hateful others to healthy self-love.
We are fully into putting the manuscript under a magnifying glass to work on edits (second grammar editing pass, first content editing pass). And this is where life gets even more personal. It’s as if my editor and the Universe are in cahoots.
Cahoots, I tell ya’!
We are editing a part of the book that is tough. I didn’t even realize how I was, even now, still minimizing some of the abuse and the consequences. I was also still trying not to offend and protect people who had abused me my whole life. So when we are hitting on a topic where we strip away the sugar-coating and pull no punches, something in my life will almost immediately confirm the accuracy of the edit and the need to keep the strong truth clearly exposed in the book.
It must stay if it’s honest, true to my experience, and truly my authentic voice coming through. Truth sometimes hurts on its course toward setting us free.
So basically, the catharsis continues, and deeper wells of being at peace fill up to overflowing. Thank you for your friendship, and stay tuned…
Once again, I am the same weight I have been for the last two weeks. I have been good at tracking my food, but the shingles situation doesn’t allow much movement without feeling like a screwdriver is going through my side. However, I am much better than two weeks ago and getting healthier daily. I need to start exercising when I regain full motion.
I am investing in my Instagram account and hope you will join me there. I am creating new reels (short videos) almost daily, posting photos, and starting a Thrive broadcast channel. I enjoy Instagram and hope to see you there!
Thank you for reading!
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