Discover more from Thrive
Looking into the "dark" may actually reveal the Light within.
Beyond The Stained Glass Closet by Randy Scobey is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
Authenticity Includes The Good And “Dark” Sides Of Us
I’ve come to believe that genuine authenticity doesn’t simply focus on the unique, one-of-a-kind treasure we all are. It’s not just about embracing the truth of our inner beauty, intelligence, and wonder. Embracing authenticity is also embracing character weaknesses and faults; trying to divorce what some would call the dark side from ourselves is what, in my non-professional perspective, causes cognitive dissonance on an everyday level and feeds narcissism.
I believe that’s why many Christians caught in scandals are almost as surprised as those who found them out. They were too involved in the culturally expected rituals surrounding platitudes of spiritual maturity, accountability, and “handing it over to the Lord.” Instead of dealing with wounds or accepting the truth of who they are as a whole, they are stuck on a performance-based hamster wheel. Like all humans, we live out of idealism (of whatever flavor) instead of embracing the truth. We are complex, with many layers and shades to our whole identity. Both light and dark exist in everyone. Both need acknowledgment, evaluation, and stewardship if we want to be healthy and continue growing.
Sure, I am a priceless treasure; one in 8 billion, a glorious being capable of far more good than I can imagine. But yet, all 8 billion of us have flaws, some of which run deep. Some of those flaws aren’t original to us and flow from wounds that need help to heal. At the same time, some perceived/real weaknesses are part of our nature and nothing to be ashamed of. Every aspect of us needs to be owned for the various levels and shades of us they represent.
An Accepted Weakness Becomes A Strength When Incorporated Into The Whole You
One good thing about knowing and reclaiming your weaknesses is no one else can try to use them to shame you.
Hater: “You are such a camera wh*re!”
Me: “Yes, I was desperate for attention, especially in the late ‘90s or early ‘00s. Not so much now. And?”
The hater didn’t get the back story, but painful lessons revealed that unmet need within me for acknowledgment and affirmation. Back then, my wanting camera time wasn’t ever going to heal the hurt born out of abandonment and abuse. Back then, it wasn’t healthy for me to do those interviews or be helpful to others.
But instead of being defensive and swatting it away, after some time, I owned it.
That’s why for the past 20 years, I haven’t chased down interviews and only done the ones that came to my doorstep, I felt comfortable doing, and were about the greater good. I looked into that darkness and saw a significant hurt trying to find affirmation in the wrong place. So, I figured out the right place and grew out of my attention wh*re phase.
But do I still like attention? Gurrrl…I sure do!
I am an unabashed extrovert, so of course, I do! LOL. But, now, I steward that in a way I hope is to benefit others, and it is no longer coming from an unknown wound.
If acknowledged wisely, our weaknesses can show us how to compensate for them and maturely assert healthy decisions, goals, and behavior.
Well, that’s what I have been meditating on lately :). Have a great day.