Ask It Basket–"In your memoir, did you feel it was important to talk about your sexuality and sexual experiences?"
Why or why not?
In your memoir, did you feel it was important to talk about your sexuality and sexual experiences? Why or why not?
Sexuality…
That’s exactly why I wrote the book! My sexuality and the struggles I faced with embracing it led to some crazy and amazing life experiences.
After decades in the ex-gay world, having been out as a gay man who went into the church closet, and then coming back out in 2015, I held strong beliefs about sexuality, ranging from religious stigmatized theology to full affirmation.
When the Emmy-nominated documentary “Pray Away” came out, it only showed a small part of my past in conversion therapy and nothing about my current views on sexuality. After it came out, I saw many people trying to tell my story and explain my journey for me. The memoir is real story, the truth of my experiences and how my faith and understanding of sexuality have evolved. I wrote it for anyone interested in learning about the real me, the context of my life up until the day we published WHY.
I also wrote WHY: A Memoir to change hearts and minds of evangelical conservative Christians and let others trapped in the church closet, and any other type of abuse, they can escape, heal, and find hope and joy in life.
So yes, my sexuality is a core topic of my book. Now, let’s move on to whether sexual experiences are a part of my memoir.
Sexual Experiences…
Here’s a fun fact: when my book came out on my birthday last year, my husband and I were already a year into what I’m calling “sexploring.” So, my memoir does share kind of humorously that the first time I had an orgasm, I thought I had cancer (when I was a young teen). And guess what? My mom gave me a pamphlet instead of “the sex talk” that parents usually have with their kids. Lol.
My memoir doesn’t go into any long-winded details about my sexual experiences. It does, however, get into some pretty funny “moments” that I had over the course of my journey.
I’ve always said, “Don’t talk past what you know.” During the writing of the memoir, I was still trying to figure out how my sexual moral landscape was changing. I just didn’t know how to talk about sexual experiences publicly because, one, I am still trying to have them and, two, enjoy figuring it all out. Plus, dealing with unrealized fears and known religious indoctrination isn’t easy at all. I wanted to live out my sexuality a bit longer before writing about any specific experiences.
Now, I am ready to do that.
We’re just shy of my birthday and the one-year anniversary of WHY’s book launch (May 14th). That’s also the second anniversary of my sexploring phase. Can you believe it?… that I would go from 24 years of celibacy to “sexploring”? I love it and think it’s funny.
This week, I started a new section of Thrive called “Sexplorer” where I will be getting very candid about my sexual experiences and the lessons and joy they have brought.
Most of the sexploring posts will be available only to paid subscribers. However, if you can’t afford a $5 monthly subscription, or for any other reason, but still want to access the paid posts, just let me know. I’d be more than happy to offer you a free year’s subscription. Here is the first sexploring post…
As, always, thank you for reading.
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