Of Lassie & Old(er) People Unabashadly Tooting While Waiting For Eye Surgery
Listen, I got to listen to your husband f*rt; don't ice me out when I am trying to be nice.

“:::POOF:::TOOT:::”–The Rear-end of a man in the waiting room
Goodness, I Hope This Place Has Good Ventilation
Last week, I took the day off to take Dan into outpatient surgery for his eyelids.
The doc said he needed it (basically an eye lift) because they were impairing his vision.
After waiting three hours, they sent us home because he had a fever. So I am like, “why, O’ Universe, are we here?” And then I was reminded of the old man farting earlier in this very small waiting room.
He and his wife stared at the TV with scowls on their faces. I could hear the TV but couldn’t see the screen well at all. I could tell it was a black and white show and that the child’s speech (cadence, intonation) was from a long time ago. I asked Mr. & Mrs. Grumperson, “Is that the Little Rascals on the TV?”
Without breaking gaze with the TV, the Mrs. answered, “No. It’s Lassie. I guess it’s just something to watch…”
:::poof:::toot::: from Mr. McGrumperson. Yes, he farted with a poof that ended in a toot. I don’t know how else to describe it.
I went back to scouring Blue Sky and hoping for the best regarding ventilation of the room. But the awkwardness continued…
PDA Public Display of Aggravation…
As we sat there waiting for the very bubbly nurse to take Dan back, I was asking him if he remembered to do such-and-such, if he did that errand, oh and how so-and-so is doing, plus a lot of playful jokes. I remember touching his knee a few times, rubbing his back, you know bored spouse stuff to support my husband before his surgery. I know Mr. & Mrs. Grumperson noticed with the quick glances leading to deepening scowls. Plus, the waiting room was incredibly small; I would imagine everyone noticed everything unless they were glued to their phone like Dan was :).
The Grumpersons were not on their phones.
At some point, I tried to be nice to the Grumpersons while Dan went to the restroom. I said to the couple, “When I was a kid, I loved coming home after school to watch reruns of The Little Rascals and Lassie. They were comforting and fun.”
Mrs. Grumperson didn’t even look at me, she grunted. Which I took as a challenge. “So, do you have any favorite shows?” She sighed and glared at the TV. Mr. Grumperson looked at me like I had just grown devil horns. Obviously not interested in my question, I said, “Well, okay then…” and waited for Dan to return from the restroom.
Am I The Problem? I’m The Problem, Aren’t I?
You know that one guy on an airplane that just won’t shut up? I am not that guy but I am the guy that guy likes to sit by because I almost always listen and engage on some sort of level.
So I don’t think I was annoying with 101 Lassie Trivia questions… really just the 1. I realized that I did nothing wrong. I can be supportive and playful with my husband in public and ask innocent questions. Nothing wrong with any of it. Maybe they were just having a bad day with Mr. Grumpersons toots not helping lift the mood.
It was the looks on their faces as I stood up, kissed, and hugged my husband before they took him back (that’s when they found he had a fever and sent us home). But the looks of disgust told me all I needed to know.
So as I walked out the door to go to the coffee shop around the corner, I let out a big ol’ toot as I walked past them.
Well, at least that is what happened in my mind (I didn’t really do it.)
I was saddened that they, for whatever reason, chose to stay walled off and be judgmental than to even try to engage in small-talk or at least be courteous.
In my very broad and generalized television consumption history, Lassie and The Little Rascals evolved into Good Times and Gilligan’s Island that evolved into Dynasty and Knots Landing that evolved into Netflix, Hulu and all the streaming platforms.
Methinks the Grumperson’s have chosen to not grow with the times where spouses can express support and love for each other in public.
More about Randy…
WHY: A Memoir
Helpful resources…