Sports Balls Aren't A Measure Of A Man
Got $450 to $500 to invest in playing sports balls? If so, Courage International has all the balls.
“Keep your $500 and you do you sporty (or not) boo! You are beautiful as you are.”
Ex-gay Sports Camp Is A Solution Without A Problem
Ex-gay Group Courage International writes:
Sports Camp is a dynamic men's weekend of athletics, fellowship, and prayer designed for members of Courage and other men who experience same-sex attractions who also desire to build and live the virtue of chastity. All are welcome, regardless of past sports experience or skill level.
When a bunch of ex-gay men gather together to play with sports balls, that in and of itself is a form of disenfranchisement from a much larger (and more fun) sporting community.
I totally understand. I was terrified to play sports with “straight” men because of the bullying I got as a kid. And in the South, not really caring for sports balls (in general) is not cool. All boys are supposed to love the sports balls. But the problem was, I liked arranging fall leaves much more than football.
When I was in college, I discovered that I loved to play volleyball. I wanted to join the intramural league and I was terrified, at first. But I went to the tryout and even though I didn’t do that great, I did good enough to get on the team. It was in practice that I learned I can’t spike and not super great at serving. But I also learned I had great timing and can block the snot out of the other team spiking. I was also very good at not running away from lightning fast balls headed my way and instead square up to perfectly bump/set the ball for someone else on my team to spike.
By pursuing what I liked to do, I found out what I was good at and not good at. I was never Olympics ready but I had a great time.
Also, in my book I talk about going to Promise Keepers and being freaked out the entire time until a really severe thunderstorm changed everything. We were out in the open and got trapped. It was very scary and a miracle happened.
I calmed down with a bunch of other drenched, gross, smelling like deodorant and Old Spice men.
I eventually joined some guys from my church tossing a football and Frisbee around, and it ended up being a good day. There was other toxic masculinity being taught, but it wasn’t about sports.
What’s The Point?
It isn’t advertised any more but in my experience “sports camps” for ex-gay men was an exercise in indoctrination. Indoctrination that being fearful of sports is a result of being gay; that the more you get comfortable playing sports, the more you embrace who God wants you to be as a confident searching for their “heterosexual potential” male.
That’s just higgledy-piggledy hogwash! That’s pure victim (of bullying, low self esteem) blaming and holding up a ridiculous standard for evidence of healing.
So here are a few insights I hope will encourage people to not hand over $500 and just enjoy what you want to enjoy.
Sports Balls Are Not Enemy
If a person is not interested, it’s perfectly fine not pursuing sports. Sports don’t make a man a man, or woman a woman, or any person a more whole human. Sports is simply one of a myriad of options to engage in fun and community.
And you don’t have to be a pro to enjoy expressing yourself in some sort of sport.
If interested in sports but afraid to be bullied, or fearful of it in some other way, a person can determine for themselves if pursuing some form of sporting activity would be good and healing for them. Church league, community activities, connecting with friends for adult dodgeball… so many options out there. We just have to find what we want to do (outside of the ex-gay world) and go do it.
Sure, sports can help us feel more confident, but it’s not the only way to work on self-confidence. It’s not going to make someone more chaste or more comfortable in their masculinity and I think it is cruel for that to be the unspoken promised benefit of ex-gay sports camp activities.
And sports balls definitely do not make anyone less gay; you should see the gay rugby team after their games at a local bar on Sunday afternoons selling jello shots. They might even be gayer for playing rugby.
And yes, buying their jello shots from time to time is a great way to engage the sports community :) (for me).
I encourage folks to lay down the toxic masculine ideal that will only cause further estrangement from self and if you want to pick up a pickleball thingy, or frisbee, or fishing rod, or running shoes, or the ball that doesn’t look anything like a foot or ball, or go work in the yard to win yard of the month, or enter a bake-off competition; just do it.
And if you want to just come over and help me arrange fallen leaves by color… come on over!
Keep your $500 and you do you sporty (or not) boo! You are beautiful as you are.
More about Randy…
WHY: A Memoir
Helpful resources…
